Heyyy...
SO sorry I haven't updated.
Since the dance everything was a blurrrrrrr.
Okay so a week after the dance, Seahorse came up to me and asked me if we were going out or not. And I said, I don't know. He said, do you? and I replied sure, I guess. So we started holding hands and all that stuff.
Anyways... so last week I was sitting in Band and we had some free time. So I started listening to my ipod with the chicken and seahorse comes and sits beside me since we are going out now. I let him listen to my ipod and then he came nearer to me and he put his arm around me. I freaked out. I didn't show it, but inside I was freaking out major. But I kept calm. The thing is I've never felt that way about anyone at all. It kind of scared me that I could actually feel love. I've been telling myself for my whole life that I probably won't marry someone or fall in love with someone. I mean, who in the world could like me? I LIKED being alone, without depending on anyone else. It felt good for me to do things on my own.
I've been running away from love for so long that I think I made the biggest mistake in my life. I broke up with seahorse on this Saturday. I was scared about the whole new feeling. I didn't like it at all. Yes, I liked to be held, cuddled, hugged, but really that isn't the real me. The real me would never go out with someone. I've always considered boys as my friends and I should have realized that I really did love seahorse.
So, on Saturday I told seahorse that I just want to be friends with him. His smile disappeared from his face. But he said he'd like to be friends too. So today, I thought we'd talk with eachother and stuff before class like we usually do. Only he avoided me pretty much the whole day. It was killing me inside because I hadn't talked with him at all today. I fet misreble that I caused him pain. I should have realized that this would hurt our friendship.
I wish I never did that. I wish I could still be dating him. I thought that all my problems would be solved if I broke up with him. I just couldn't figure out if I liked him, loved him or just wanted to be friends with him. Ugh... I made a super big mistake because I just realized after breaking up with him, that I actually loved him with all my heart.
Oh, I gave him back the necklace. I wish I hadn't, but I did.
SO sorry I haven't updated.
Since the dance everything was a blurrrrrrr.
Okay so a week after the dance, Seahorse came up to me and asked me if we were going out or not. And I said, I don't know. He said, do you? and I replied sure, I guess. So we started holding hands and all that stuff.
Anyways... so last week I was sitting in Band and we had some free time. So I started listening to my ipod with the chicken and seahorse comes and sits beside me since we are going out now. I let him listen to my ipod and then he came nearer to me and he put his arm around me. I freaked out. I didn't show it, but inside I was freaking out major. But I kept calm. The thing is I've never felt that way about anyone at all. It kind of scared me that I could actually feel love. I've been telling myself for my whole life that I probably won't marry someone or fall in love with someone. I mean, who in the world could like me? I LIKED being alone, without depending on anyone else. It felt good for me to do things on my own.
I've been running away from love for so long that I think I made the biggest mistake in my life. I broke up with seahorse on this Saturday. I was scared about the whole new feeling. I didn't like it at all. Yes, I liked to be held, cuddled, hugged, but really that isn't the real me. The real me would never go out with someone. I've always considered boys as my friends and I should have realized that I really did love seahorse.
So, on Saturday I told seahorse that I just want to be friends with him. His smile disappeared from his face. But he said he'd like to be friends too. So today, I thought we'd talk with eachother and stuff before class like we usually do. Only he avoided me pretty much the whole day. It was killing me inside because I hadn't talked with him at all today. I fet misreble that I caused him pain. I should have realized that this would hurt our friendship.
I wish I never did that. I wish I could still be dating him. I thought that all my problems would be solved if I broke up with him. I just couldn't figure out if I liked him, loved him or just wanted to be friends with him. Ugh... I made a super big mistake because I just realized after breaking up with him, that I actually loved him with all my heart.
Oh, I gave him back the necklace. I wish I hadn't, but I did.
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